About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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