I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
