So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
