Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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