Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
