Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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