did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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