This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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