Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
