I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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