We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
