I am puke
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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