Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
