U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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