Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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