I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
