Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
