Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
