maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
