I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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