Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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