I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
