dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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