i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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