Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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