I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
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You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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