He kissed a someone with a penis
this just has baby written all over it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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