Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
