I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
