I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
