the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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