I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
