Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
