So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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