this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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