Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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