ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
