i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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