3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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