first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
