Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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