just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
