Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
