I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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