that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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