I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
