omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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