My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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