new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
