Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
