I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
