My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
