Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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