so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
