So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
