that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
