Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
