i wish my penis had a tongue
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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